and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
