he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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