no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
