Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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