Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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