There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I forgot wine drunk hurts
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
