Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
