Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
