i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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