One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
