I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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