Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
