My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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