How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
