I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
