Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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