Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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