I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
