This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize