the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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