My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
