your parents love me but you hate me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
