we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
