i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
