Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
