Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
