i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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