I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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