I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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