There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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