the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
