You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
