I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
