Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
