Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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