Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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