You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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