and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
