I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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