he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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