Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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