dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
