Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
