im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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