I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
