You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
