Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
