We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
