Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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