Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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