just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
