New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize