Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
