I wanna bring you to show and tell
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
