Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
