just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When did angry sex become our thing?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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