when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
