She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
