If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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