she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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