id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
