I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
