Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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