Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
