he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
