Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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