dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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