Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
