Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
