so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
