Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
