she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
