I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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