The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
