Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
