I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
