whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
