i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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