Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
