god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
