Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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